My own worst enemy

I’m very sensitive. It’s not that I don’t want people to tell me if I’m doing something wrong. It’s all about the approach, though. I know that most people can handle bluntness. That’s not me. I give my all to what I am doing, and for someone to come along when I think I’m doing ok and tell me I’m not doing enough or not doing it right absolutely crushes me. Everyone wants acceptance. Everyone needs a cheerleader sometimes. I have some very good friends who will tell me that I’m doing the right thing. If the one person that I want to be happy with what I am doing or trying to do tells me that I suck at it, yes, I take it personally. Yes, I cry. I usually feel silly about it, but I’m not ashamed to cry. We live in a society today where people will tell you off and expect you to have no reaction. I’m not numb.

I know that I make mistakes. I may even make many more than the average person! I am aware of them. If I am telling you about them, I really don’t need you to tell me that I was wrong. I don’t need you to tell me what I should have done, because chances are, I know already. I just need to let it out. I am my own worst enemy, and I hold myself back sometimes. I am imperfect. I am afraid of messing up. I am afraid of not being loved. I’m sure a therapist could delve in and explore my need for love and acceptance, but really I am not that different from other people. It’s nice to know that there is someone in your corner; someone who knows what you have been through and says, “it’s ok, you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to keep trying.”

I may keep trying my whole life and never get where I meant to go. I may suddenly end up there tomorrow. The world is unknown for everyone. I don’t believe that anyone needs to be called out on every mistake that they make. We do not need to treat each other harshly, and yet we do. I realize that frustrations can build up and need to be let out sometimes. I have done it myself, and I’m not proud of it. Everyone needs tough love sometimes. Everyone needs to be put back on the right path sometimes. Ninety percent of the time that you are cutting someone down though, you could be helping to build them up. You’ll be amazed how much nicer people are to you if you are nice to them.

As for the people constantly cutting me down, I’m over it. I am a good person, I am a good mother, and nobody will convince me otherwise anymore. In the same respect, I hereby pledge to try to keep it in check when dealing with other people. Nobody needs to be attacked for making a mistake!

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3 thoughts on “My own worst enemy

  1. I heard a comment a while ago on twitter, “Just like an asshole, everyone has an opinion” and this could not be more true! It’s okay to be sensitive, it makes you awesome for who you are as a person. Yes sometimes it is wise to let things roll off your back and be thick skinned, but most times you should be allowed to vent without criticism.

    • That’s very true, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion! There are just some ways to say something that make it sound like you are trying to crush someone’s spirit, and it’s not fair! I’m glad someone gets what I was trying to say lol.

  2. Yes, you are so right! Everyone needs love and acceptance, and being human means we will make mistakes. Betty white’s character said that in a goofy movie called You Again. I work really hard at accepting my mistakes and failed efforts so that i can get up again without beating myself up first. Acknowleding mistakes in that tone to others sets the stage for acceptance, i think. You are so smart to work through this so that you can teach it to your baby! Thanks for writing!

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