I’ve had all kinds of revelations this week! I agreed to work out every day for half an hour for 100 days (see Twitter- #100days). I started on April 8th. Now, again, working out? Never been my thing. I thought I hated it. I’m uncoordinated, I’m lazy, and I dislike sweating. At least, that’s what I’ve always thought!
The first few weeks, they weren’t great. I had to FORCE myself to do it. I wanted to quit. I’m quite accustomed to giving up when things get hard, and I ALMOST did it. I hadn’t worked out that day. It was 11:15 pm. I was thinking about how stupid it was, about how nothing would happen if I quit.
Then *BAM* it hit me. I don’t want to quit anymore. I certainly don’t want to be fat anymore. I want to know that I committed to doing something, and I didn’t do it half assed or just stop altogether. So, at 11:20 pm I started working out. I made myself do more for almost quitting. I pushed myself further, I worked out longer, and I punished myself for almost giving up. Because I wouldn’t be giving up on working out, I would be giving up on myself. It would be like saying, “You’re not worth being healthy. You’re not worth a little bit of pain to live a long and healthy life with your son.”
If this was a few years ago, I would have given up on myself. Not only would I have quit, but I would have quit while scarfing down potato chips. Given, weight didn’t seem to stick then..I would gain a few pounds, but it would fall right back off by itself. This is the first time I’ve ever truly been overweight in my life, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to do anything about it, because I’ve never had to worry before. It’s time to wake up now, though, and get myself together. I AM worth it. I am worth the 30 minutes a day.
Not only do I need this project to lose weight, I need this to prove that I can do it. I can stick to it. This is as much about my mind as it is my body. Yes, Reese’s cups taste great, but am I willing to die young for them? Nope. Am I willing to leave my son without a mother so I can be lazy? Hell no.
Today I did double. Not because I was doubting myself, but because I wanted to. I was a little down this morning, and instead of drowning the hurt in a cheeseburger, I called a friend and we went for a walk. My body felt stronger, and my mind eased. No matter what challenges I face, I now know that I don’t have to give up. Even when it’s hard, I can keep going, and I can stick to my goals. Plus, when I work out, I have MORE energy than when I am a lazy bum.
It turns out what I’ve needed all these years is a plan and to see what the alternatives are. I didn’t like the way my life was going, so I am changing it. Simple as that!