The Worst First Date Ever

I’ve had a lot of first dates in my time. Generally speaking, I am picky when it comes to men. If I don’t know you well already, the first date is sort of like an interview. Very few of them are memorable. Of the few that were memorable most were good. Except this one…

I met this boy the summer that I turned 19. He was 22. We worked together, and while I always heard you shouldn’t date people you worked with I didn’t know why. When he asked me out I was so excited! I went all out teenage girl and bought a new outfit, shoes, and spent like an hour getting ready. Then he called me and said his dad had to borrow his car and asked if I could pick him up. So, after I got lost trying to find his house I finally made it. He told me my car was pretty crappy (it was, but…dude…). I shook that one off thinking that it was weird and he probably wouldn’t do anything else weird.

As we were driving to dinner, he decided to tell me about his religion. That’s cool. I don’t remember what it was to be honest, something I’ve never heard of, but it sounded like a cult. He concluded that speech with, ‘but it’s not a cult!’ Right. He then went on to tell me about how he quit college and left his baseball scholarship to smoke weed with his friends.

**I’m going to pause here to inform any men that may be reading this of something. You should NEVER EVER on a first date EVER willingly inform your date that you would rather be a slacker than go to college FOR FREE. Especially when this date is currently paying her own way through school and trying not to drown in debt. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog post**

We pulled into the restaurant parking lot and he got out and insulted my car again. He then told me that “his” car was actually his dad’s car and he didn’t have one. Ok, fair enough, there are plenty of people in the world who don’t own cars. So we go in and sit down and order. He ordered a steak and some kind of drink and then said, “Oh, I don’t have my wallet. You’re gonna have to get this.”

I should have walked out then. I really should have. If I had a brain in my 19 year old head I would have told myself that he was a loser and walked out the door. However, I WAS 19, I did not have a brain, and he was cute. He ordered 2 more drinks. I wish I knew what was in them, because he was drunk by the time we left. Good thing I drove, huh? While he was drunk he told me that relationships should not be exclusive and everyone should just sleep around (not in those exact words, but it was 9 years ago).

By this point even 19 year old me was annoyed. Who did this guy think he was? After I drive you around, get insulted by you, listen to you ask me to join a cult, and then pay for you to eat steak and get drunk you tell me that you have no intention of having a relationship with me? Really? If I had not purchased the movie tickets in advance, THEN I would have left. I sat through the movie with the drunk cult member trying to paw at me and talking nonstop. I drove him straight home. In his driveway, while I was trying not to tell him to get out of my car, he asked why I wasn’t kissing him or asking to go into his house. This made me really angry. I stayed silent for a few minutes. Then, it all came out…. It went a little something like this:

“What self respecting girl would ever kiss a dirtbag like you? Do you think that this date went well? If so, you must still be drunk. So, I need you to get out of my crappy car, walk your a** to the door, and never ever speak to me again.”

I have never been that mean or rude to anyone before that. For that matter, I haven’t been that rude since then either. This made work a little awkward. Luckily it wasn’t a job with a whole lot of employee interaction. I have never dated anyone I worked with again, though.

I am {nearly} 28 and since then no date has even come close to being as memorable. My mother and my best friend both thought I made it up. I’m sure it sounds like I did. I promise though, all information contained in this blog is true and accurate to the best of my recollection!


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop in response to the prompt to describe a memorable first date!


9 thoughts on “The Worst First Date Ever

  1. Yowzers! That is a memorable first date that minus the huge lesson learned you’d probably wish you could forget. Plus also, most all the best true stories sound like you totally made it up. =)

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