My son is 3 1/2. He is growing up SO fast. I have always said I was glad to be working from home right now because I get to spend time with him. I’ve also expressed my fears about preschool. Today, though, it really hit home that by the end of this summer he will be going to school. We will get up in the morning, get ready, and leave like we did when I worked outside of the house. We will rush around, hurry out the door, and barely make it places in time for a goodbye kiss (yes we will for sure be almost late all the time, you don’t know my child..lol).
The era of lazy pajama mornings, cuddles on the couch with our blankies while we watch a cartoon until my coffee kicks in, and little kisses waking me up every morning is almost over. My baby is growing up, and it’s not fair. The first year I spent fighting with his dad. The second year I spent freaking out because I didn’t know how to be a single mom. I should get a do over. I should get to enjoy those little moments that you have the first two years when your baby is a baby.
….and I’m probably not having any more kids. I mean let’s face it. I’m 28, I’m completely single, and I refuse to end up a single mom of two kids, so by the time I find someone, get to know them, and get married and/or into enough of a committed relationship that I know they aren’t going anywhere I will be 58 at least. I can’t fathom doing this all over at almost 60! Haha. I think that is what’s bothering me so much. I don’t get to do it again. Everyone I know that has kids around Spencer’s age? They are having their second or third kids now. They get to hear someone else call them mama for the first time. They get more babies to hold and love. More tiny foreheads to kiss at 2 am. More people to puke on them. More people to be proud of for learning how to walk, talk, dance, sing, learn the alphabet, count to ten….and I’m done. I only got the one chance, and I blew it.
So, this is the end of the cuddle era. I may have a few years left of Friday night pizza and popcorn parties, but I have no delusions that he will want to stay home with me to watch Toy Story when he is 14. All I can do is hope he remembers. Hope that it meant something to him. Hope that he will still sometimes want to hang out with me.
..and get a cat.