Do I Trust Me?

A friend of mine said a few weeks ago that sometimes you have to go with your gut and just say, “I trust me.” This is great advice, in theory. My instincts are good, but not perfect. I’ve never really trusted myself. When I first met my son’s dad every fiber of my being said, “this guy’s no good for your self esteem.” All of my friends thought he was great. I worked with his cousin, who also gave him a shining review. I trusted them. I should have trusted me.

On the other hand, things don’t always work out when I trust me, either. A few years ago my brother, my instincts and I went car shopping. He wasn’t old enough to really have a say, he just had to drive my car back home if need be. I trusted my instincts all the way. I could pick out a car! I had been driving for years, I would be able to tell if it was a good one or not. Well, here’s how it really went down…

I was like, “Ooooh, that black one is shiny. Can I test drive it?”

The sales guy was like, “OF COURSE, let’s go.”

So, we went. We drove. He showed me functions of the radio. He talked the whole time. Opened the windows. I asked if he heard a weird noise. He said it was just something rattling and it was no big deal.

***Small break for a public service announcement: If the car salesman keeps making noise, he’s trying to hide a noise that the car is making.***

We got back. It was snowing. I went to open the hood. He said it was frozen shut. Should have been another sign that I should not have gotten the car.

So I trusted my instincts and the sleazy car salesman and I bought the car. I’ll give any guys reading this a moment to talk about why girls shouldn’t shop for cars alone………………….Long enough? Got it out of your system? Good. 

The car broke down 3 days later. It was the first time I had driven it, because the snow when I was shopping turned blizzard-like and we were snowed in. So, I called. He said they’d fix it and he would call me back and let me know when someone was coming to tow it in. Three weeks later that finally happened because I called back and mentioned the word lawyer. I actually don’t know why that scared him, because technically he didn’t have to fix it, and I only had his word that he would. Whatever. It worked.

So, as you can see, my instincts can be spot on or completely and totally wrong. My instincts assured me that my ex was wrong for me, but they also assured me that the car was right for me.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten much more stressed out about decisions. Big ones, like should we move to a new house….they’re impossible to make without someone else’s input. The thing is, when you’re a single parent nobody can make the decision for you. You have to do it on your own. You have to trust you…

…I just don’t know if I trust me.

 

 

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